Adversity and Healing
Grief, trauma, and addiction were present in my life from a young age. As an adult, I continued to struggle with the symptoms and side effects of these experiences for a long time.
The aftermath of grief and trauma, mixed with addiction as a numbing agent for the pain, created a force of anxiety and depression that I was constantly embattled with.
When I became a teacher, I saw the same kinds of emotional and experiential pain among many of the communities that I worked with. My work as a teacher carried me to the North and South Islands of New Zealand, to Vancouver and Vancouver Island in British Columbia, and to the prairies of Saskatchewan.
For a long time, I felt helpless to heal the wounds in my own life and helpless to truly effect change in the lives of others. Then, during a particularly difficult chapter in my life, I adopted a sweet angel in the form of a dog, Bella Mae. This was when I realized true healing was possible.
My relationship with Bella Mae helped me to overcome some very painful experiences in my own life, to establish routine, regulate my emotions, and trust again. She inspired me to pursue a career in mental and behavioural health.
Animal-Assisted Therapy
While studying counseling psychology, I had a special interest in animal-human relationships and the benefits of animal-assisted therapy. I visited animal sanctuaries and heard many recovery stories of both animals and humans alike. I met and trained alongside colleagues who were committed to the research and development of animal-assisted therapy and the healing benefits of animal work.
When I completed my masters degree in 2018, I bought my first home in a small city called Peterborough on the outskirts of Toronto, Ontario. I set to work on my dream: turning my house into a small business and building an animal-assisted setting to support my clients in their healing journey. It was in 2019, in this little city, in this little house which became an animal sanctuary, that Against the Grain, Counselling Services was born.
Bella and I loved meeting new animals seeking home and refuge. We welcomed rabbits, turtles, birds, fish, and one extra spicy cat into our little abode. Clients began to arrive and responded so well to this special space that was created for them where the trust, rapport, and connection between animals and humans became foundational pillars for therapeutic change. It truly felt magical. I thought, wow … after all the twists and turns, the ups and downs, the backs and forths … here, I have finally arrived. My professional experiences and personal experiences have come together to create something truly unique and valuable. Despite how hard I had to hustle against the grain of my own life for those past few, sordid chapters … everything had finally fallen into place. In fact, I had that cathartic realization that I would not now be where I was without having gone through what I did. It was those exact moments where the grain was most rough, where I was tested to my max, that had come to define me and my strengths.
Pandemic and a Leap of Faith
Then, it was 2020 and the covid-19 pandemic rapidly swept across the globe. I was forced to shut down in-person therapy sessions and it seemed that the entire world shut down too. I spent the next two years in isolation in my home, surrounded by my animals, offering a life line to people in the form of Telehealth counselling and psychotherapy services.
During the next two years of lockdowns, I explored a lot of alternative resources for addiction recovery support. With in-person meetings shut down, members from recovery groups began to launch zoom meetings online. It was incredible to see the recovery community organize in this way. The persistence and dedication of recovery members in recovery groups is truly unprecedented. It was during this time that I volunteered to facilitate an online meeting with a fellow recoverist I met online, who lived in the USA. As we launched this meeting, there was an undeniable connection that we shared. As the months in isolation dragged, our friendship blossomed into love and when the borders between our countries opened back up in 2021, we began to visit each other.
By the Spring of 2022, with Canada still in regular waves of lockdowns and isolation, my animal-assisted counselling practice hadn’t seen a person enter its doors in over two years. I knew in-person mental health services would resume again one day but this idea was fraught with liability and uncertainty. Meanwhile, I had become accustomed to being able to spend long stretches of time in the USA and to continue operating my business while there. My online practice allowed me to continue working while traveling. It gave me more freedom and flexibility than I ever could have imagined. Many of my clients had moved away from Peterborough during the course of those two years and I was able to continue supporting them through my online Telehealth platform. Clients really enjoyed therapy sessions from their home, where their own animal companions could attend with them. I loved meeting my clients’ pets in session. Dogs, cats, rats, hamsters, fish, snakes, and chickens all made their way into our online sessions. My network of clientele and demographic of care had expanded widely. I had begun offering services to clients in remote rural communities where access to in-person services was extremely limited. My entire business model had shifted dramatically. This little house and my animal-assisted counselling space within it were truly dreams come true, but times had changed and my dreams had changed. I decided to face the change. I decided to accept what had happened and the consequences of the global pandemic. I let go of what my life was and where it was going pre-pandemic. And, I took a major leap of faith forward.
During the pandemic, many families with children and senior citizens were exceptionally lonely. Many were seeking animal companionship to make life in perpetual isolation more bearable. I derived great joy in finding loving homes for the animals I could not take with me on my journey. My birds, rabbits, fish, and reptiles found companionship in the homes of homesteaders, homeschoolers, and senior citizens. My dog, cat, and gecko piled into the car with me that year and we crossed the border into the United States for a whole new chapter of our lives. That summer we decided to elope and nine months later, we welcomed our baby into the world. All I can say is that creating him has been the most profound experience of my lifetime and he was worth every sacrifice and struggle that my husband and I went through to be together and to meet him. Sadly, it was at the same time that our baby entered this world that Bella made her exit into the next. Bella’s quick and sudden change of health was heart wrenching. She had a short battle with lymphoma and died on a spring day in our backyard, with little pain, surrounded by our family.
New Beginnings
My business has now grown from Canada into the United States. As I share the story of Against the Grain, I am met with an incredible sense of nostalgia and gratitude for all that this business has been for me, all that it has taught me, and all the next chapters ahead which have yet to come. Going against the grain has meant something different to me at every chapter of my life. Going against the grain is not easy. It is not a smooth ride. It is pushing past significant resistance. It is knowing that there may be an easier or more comfortable path, but choosing the more challenging one anyway because you know the rewards are greater. It is being thrust into a difficult chapter without choice, and navigating your way through it. It is at these points of great tension, conflict, and challenge that our most powerful strengths of character are revealed. When we go against the grain, we learn more about ourselves and others. We challenge ourselves to develop new pathways of thinking and being. It is at these most difficult impasses that we discover who we truly are. We develop tools, strategies, and skills to do something extraordinary. And, we find the most distinguished and refined aspects of our being.
I am currently networked with a local farm where I am learning about equine-assisted therapy, equine-assisted wellness, and horsemanship. I look forward to building more expertise in this area and meeting clients for in-person work again once more. I have developed an online recovery log, ‘Līve Edge Recovery’, where I share my writing, resources, research, and support for those walking the red road to recovery. I continue to pursue professional development to refine my skills as a counsellor and psychotherapist in both online and in-person formats. I support clients with therapeutic story telling, iRest meditations for healing, inner active parts work, DBT, CBT, and a handful of other therapeutic strategies and interventions. My work is embodied, emotion-focused, and eclectic. Figuring out a hybrid practice of both virtual and in-person experiences to offer the broad community within Canada and the United States that I now service has been an exciting and rewarding challenge.
My writing can be found at: www.liveedgerecovery.com